An honest statement....

After erasing my blog entry three times because it was too honest and open. I will just post this. Marriage is hard. Okay, now you know. Goodnight. :-)

Marriage and Family battle scars....

So below are the new additions to our wall and our lives. When Doug and I were just married we had created the "White Notebook". In this notebook were ground rules and ideas we believed in and ideally wanted to achieve. We were hopeful that we would keep to this notebook and were confident that it would lead us to happiness in this life and in the next. Of course it is easy to stray from the "white notebook". Satan and temptations...tired of trying...and many distractions have made it difficult to live every word of the white notebook. We have had our ups and downs like any other family and marriage. Recently we had another "awakening" of sorts and realized that we have become off track in a lot of ways in our family and marriage. We are coasting by and taking for granted our life. After many prayers and tears we came up with these two documents. They are now hanging on our wall with the Christ in the middle. We created these together as a family and as a marriage. This was not a quick write up...this took some thought. Eternal family is not easy. Today we tried to have some discussion and scripture time and by the time me and Doug were through--we wanted to kill and burn our creed. It is not easy to patiently give up our carnal appetites and passions for what is most important--and that is each other and family. I am a living testament to that. But what I do know that when and IF we do attain this "Nirvana" of family and marriage life...I bet it will be worth every bit of those tears. Good luck to all those troopers who are trying to win the fight too. (Scream when no one is listening while listening to some crazy music...my secret.) :-)

We believe....

Marshall Creed

Happiness in family is most likely to be achieved when founded on the teachings of Jesus Christ

1.We believe that our home should be patterned after the temple. It is a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, and a house of God.
2.We believe in loyalty and loving our family and placing each other’s needs before our own. We are slow to anger, not offended, quick to forgive, and resolve disagreements with love and respect.
3.We believe that we can maintain the Spirit in our home as we go to bed on time, wake up on time, have morning and evening prayers, daily family scripture study, and family home evening weekly.
4.We believe in honoring and supporting our parents and in being obedient to what they ask. Love is the foundation of everything they do.
5.We believe in being morally clean and in only allowing wholesome media to enter our home. We dress modesty and obey the clothing guidelines set forth in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet.
6.We believe in building God’s kingdom on earth by attending all church meetings, accepting and magnifying our callings, and serving in the church when needed.
7.We believe that all our communication should build and uplift each other. We would not use names that degrade, we use tones that are pleasant, and volume that is appropriate.
8.We believe in wholesome recreational activities. We should have fun together, play together, spend time together, and have monthly family adventures.
9.We believe in being financially independent. We will pay a full tithing, live within our means, not rely upon credit, and will save money to pay for “wants”.
10.We believe in developing our talents in music and athletics and using those talents to nurture relationships and serving God.
11.We believe in educating our minds and spirits, in obtaining as much education as possible, in reading good books, and in creating a nurturing learning environment in our home.
12.We believe in being healthy, in exercising frequently, in eating healthy food, and obeying the Word of Wisdom.
13.We believe that Christ is the way to happiness in life and life eternal. We know that the greatest joys in life are to be found in righteous living and strengthening family relationships.

Setting some ground rules....

Marriage
We consecrate our lives to one another in establishing and maintaining a happy celestial marriage on earth.

1. Perfectly loyal
2. Let virtue garnish our thoughts
3. Focus on the eternal
4. Implicit trust and be perfectly honest
5. Always give the benefit of the doubt
6. Build and uplift each other in all we do
7. Counsel together and be one in purpose
8. Frankly forgive and take no offense
9. Couple prayer, scripture, and temple
10. Smile, laugh, date, and flirt ferociously

Haiku's are my only remedy....

So...today I have written some haiku's of my own. This is not a declaration of me as a poet but of a woman with some serious feelings that can only be expressed as of anciently... lol. Enjoy and don't expect TOO much. My first try, cut me some slack.

Steam rises from heat,
Melting ice cream cherry falls
Screams the child within.

Palms sway in the breeze,
Mango juicy quenching thirst
Gold glitter on me

Leaves fall to the ground
At my feet a pile of years
Life is born from love

No band aid for me
Whiney children die! die! die!
Peace through pain killers

Strength comes from effort
Deodorant has worn off
Nothing left to prove

Head pulse to the beat
Rumpilicious shaky shake
No music eyes closed

Hungry children now
Dinner waiting to be served
Face book beckons me to stay

Surge of loneliness
Memories of life and death
The red chair beckons

When flirting ferociously is part of survival.

The children are finally asleep. Why does the word "finally" always precede the word asleep when we are talking about our children? It isn't a mystery actually, no need to answer... Today Doug and I were listening to the children argue, banter, laugh and play (yes, that does happen occasionally) in the other room, after we took our earplugs out, and we made a statement to each other that we have made before..."those are a lot of kids!" and then we half smile and sigh. (That usually proceeds the "lot of kids" statement) So often we feel inadequate for such a task--you know caring and nurturing. We also worry that they will be "messed up" someday from our lame parenting. I hope not, but you never really know. I guess all we can do is just the basics? Like loving, caring and teaching our children by word and deed... The same goes in marriage. Nurturing in marriage is vital and lately the nurturing had been lacking. The complication comes when there is little time for nurturing--or whatever you want to blame that on. Me and Doug recommitted to "flirt ferociously" today and then put the earplugs BACK in the ears to cuddle....cuz that is also survival tactic when dealing with 5 beautiful loud children. We ARE going to make this family thing work gosh darn it...hope it doesn't kill us. :-) goodnight.

Celebrating a changing life.....

Congrats to Ms. Valorie....You have come a long way missy! A year ago Thanksgiving, she called me from a pay phone at the circle K on Palo Verde and Ajo. She was hungry, desperate and scared. She was about to get back into the drugs that had made her homeless for 12 years. She reached out. I am so thankful for her courage to call. So...a year has passed. Lots of love and help from friends and members of our church. Lots of hard work on Ms. Valorie's part. Highlights are: Marriage to John after 17 years by the bishop.... Trailer donated by good friends....missionaries visiting and invitations. Ms. Valorie singing in the ward choir. I remember she bore her testimony at church. Oh. Can't forget her passing out flowers to all the members of the congregations as a thanks:) And she informed me that a month ago she was able to speak with her 12 year old daughter. That was the first time. She told her she loved her...the girl said I love you back. Today as I met with her--- she looked good. Haircut. Clean clothes. Smelled pleasant. She was on her way to get oil for her generator and bolts for the trailer. She is industrious. She is a survivor. She has always been one to smile...amazingly enough. Sure she has her ups and downs as we all do. They may be different ups and downs from anyone reading this---yours may be worse.
Love and service is the key to happiness. And as I think about it....she not only changed her life for the better in one year---but most definitely has changed mine.

Thanks Ms. Valorie.