Thursday, October 21, 2010

Going "Off-Line".....a Cautionary Measure

As I stare into that little green dot next to "on-line" friends....I can't help thinking, "What must they think when they see my green dot all day next to my name?" Maybe things like...."she really needs to get a life, cuz its obvious she is searching for another". That green dot is screaming,"Hello, Hey, Hi...I am a Facebook slut waiting for you to pay attention to me! Anyone wanna chat? Please, please, please??" So, you can see I am conflicted and completely mental. But, you already knew that didn't you? Ha. So, yes, I will have my life back and go offline. I will occasionally allow myself vulnerability to all those friends I really want to talk to..but only if they start the conversation first. I will not be the first kiss! (I mean chat) Phew! I felt strong just writing that!....*sigh*...Unfortunately, my heart and excitement has a way of overpowering my will power and I usually do give in to the pressure within and click online anyway. Crap. This is going to be a lot harder than I think. Good luck to all the "Facebook Sluts" out there....peace out. I mean.."logging off".

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Life Reflection

It is late...and I really should go to bed. Whatever.... So this week is an exciting one for me, for so many reasons. Those reasons will remain personal but you may know one thing, life is a little confusing. Why? Cuz there are things that happen in life that you ask, "Why did this not happen?" or "Why did my life turn out like this?" When I was 16, I really believed that I knew exactly what would happen in my life. I thought I knew exactly who I would marry, and where I would live, how many kids I would have--even down to my job! Didn't any of you play the game where you make a spiral on paper until someone said "Stop!" Then you counted the lines, and then with all the top choices you wrote down, you decide what your future would be? Well, I did and my journal is full of them. I was so fascinated with knowing my future as a kid... I even have a "whenever you find it journal" that I write in, whenever I find it! :) It updates myself on where my life is. I know--I am weird. I am such a "girl". But I can't help it. I also can't help still loving every important person that has loved me and influenced me in my past. Sometimes it is hard to hold back the love I feel and attention and make sure it doesn't turn into "obsession"....oh well. :) So for all of you who I love--thanks so much. You have made me who I am today. Another thought: There really is so much life riding fast down a hill on my sweet bike, or running with just my sports bra on, or swimming so smoothly that I feel like I am flying in water....and even cuddling with the ones you love :) Those are some of my top feelings!