Reality Check

Today my children are so loud and hyper....or I am may be ready for a break. I have my Alexandre Desplat music playing in the background which really is the perfect music for my emotion. In my head I am still planning my day, screaming at my children, wanting to read them a book, make cinnamon rolls, sleep, read a book, write some email, read my scriptures or something spiritual, visit the sick and needy....care. But really all I can do is click on Facebook and see who said what and dive into someone else's life for a moment. I think I have found the reason why there is an addiction--being a voyer is quite interesting esp when it is not your own. Searching into someone else's life creates a sort of comfort, almost like they are your best friend--when maybe you have never even really talked. I may be rambling cuz I am very tired...but I am not going to care right now. My children are talking about "chunky snakes". What? They are off for 3 weeks....help me?! I have the feeling that at the end of this break I will not be winning the mommy of the 3 weeks award. I may not even be in the running. I know plenty who are....I despise you. I also admire you. I watched one of these moms at church today with her children. She sat in front of us and she was so amazing. She was sweet and attentive to her children. Her husband watched her do it all, as she did it all with a smile. I sat there, watching her glossy eyed as she broke each piece of fruit leather and popped it into her very fat baby's mouth followed by some sacrament water, a sippy of formula and a nutragrain bar. I wanted to be that baby. (I would skip the formula...it smells like metal) So, yes, my church is full of amazing women...that I hate. (not really, I do love them, just feeling insignificant.) I am making a goal to talk to my kids, read them a book and stay away from Facebook for a while...wish me luck, it won't be easy.