Ana's World

A miraculous wake up.

2011-05-15T14:39:00.000-07:00

"You wouldn't believe what he did Ms. Marshall!, this morning he put the water in the sun so it would warm up before I washed my hair!" Those words were expressed through a smile of decaying teeth and wrinkles as we were waiting for hair cuts. Haircuts for Ms. Valoree and for Mike--miracle worker Mike. She told me she never had a professional cut before. She was giddy and grinning from ear to ear. The ladies at Great Clips were so sweet. They recognized her as the "smiling for our troops" homeless lady. Extra effort was being made to make them both look extra special. As I watched her and Mike's hair being cut and styled, a gentleman waiting for his son's hair cut, approaches me with a lowered voice and a warning. "I want you to know that I almost turned the other way when I saw these two in here...." as he flashes his police badge, " I know a lot about them and I won't go into detail about it.. " what? theft? drugs? alcohol? abuse?...thanks for protecting my delicate ears. "But I want you to know this is refreshing. Its good to see this side of humanity. Its good to see good things happening and attempts for change happening. Just want you to know this was good to see." I gave him a half smile.
Valoree could not stop talking about how light and bouncy her head felt. She did not remember the small pleasure of clean and groomed hair. Everyone gave us an audible farewell--everyone but the cop. They even walked out with a generous donation from the stylist of 10 packets of expensive shampoos and conditioners. I got a discount.... :-)
So in the last two days it has been busy. Clothes and shoe shopping, doctor appointments, pizza, Viva burrito, slurpees and more doctor visits. It had been over 10 years since Valoree had seen a doctor. She found out info she didn't want to know. She was scared and nervous. She is realizing how her husband, who passed away, kept her down. How he kept her afraid and abused and homeless. How she gave up her 3 children for him. Its as if Ms. Valoree is waking up. Waking up from a deep sleep of 17 years of abuse not counting her oppressive childhood.
She went home with sunscreen, face lotion, perfumes, pretty bra and a nail maintenance kit to mention a few. Make overs are on next weeks schedule. Mike got a little help too. Being homeless for the last 3 years has taken a toll. Shoes and clothes and a second chance is what he needed. Determined to take Ms. Valoree out of the desert and into a home, we brainstormed job options. He is hopeful and good.

A miracle has occurred. I heard Mike say several times, "Its gonna be OK baby.." and she'd answer,"alright baby, I trust you...". Love. LOVE IS AWESOME!!! Love is the driving force in change. Love from others, love for ourselves and most importantly love from the Savior. Love is changing Ms. Valoree!! Woo hoo. Powerful. Miraculous. This leads me to reflect on the love in my life. The way it motivates and inspires me to be better. To be more than I am. To serve and thank God every day for my family and my incredible friends who surround me and lift me up. With love, truly all things are possible. Thank you for your love. XoxO Til next time.

One way ticket to "la Isla bonita" please?

2011-04-14T00:22:00.001-07:00

So tonight I did something out of the ordinary...I watched two movies--in a row. First of all, I hardly ever watch movies let alone two. It felt great. It felt wild. And now I'm eating chocolate at 11:54pm and I know I will be regretting it in the morning from all those dumb calories I'm consuming late at night but I don't care right now and I'm totally enjoying it. Today was one of those days that I think I would like to put circus music too--maybe add some classic psycho music in there too. Some days are like that. More than some days are like that for me lately and I am ready to stop and get off the ride. What is this all for? Progression? Whatever. Who really is progressing when all I'm doing is driving kids from school to sports to activity to church to home? What kind of family progresses when all the mom wants to do is run away to some island in the South Pacific and gorge herself on mangoes she bought from a nice fruit vendor with a handsome goatee on the beach...perhaps he sprinkles some cayenne pepper on it like they do in Mexico. Or the husband...any way, we'll leave him out.
Today I went on an hour swim. The water was perfect and clear. I did imagine myself in the ocean swimming away. I swam hard and felt my muscles burn. I loved it. I love the sound of the water in my ears as I inhale then exhale into the water. I love the smell. Chlorine smells so amazing. Someone had brought a freshly washed towel and laid it over the side of the pool--I smelled that too when the breeze blew it's scent. I'm grateful for that hour today. I guess that is really what this day should be about...the little good things that meant a lot today. The funny things my kids say, the time in the water, the movies I made myself watch tonight and the chocolate I just gobbled up. I'm still in my swim suit. The next and last thing on my gratitude list will be a shower then sleep. I'll try to tune a new song to my day tomorrow. Circus music is creepy. Goodnight.

An honest statement....

2011-03-27T22:21:00.000-07:00

After erasing my blog entry three times because it was too honest and open. I will just post this. Marriage is hard. Okay, now you know. Goodnight. :-)

Marriage and Family battle scars....

2011-02-06T21:19:00.000-08:00

So below are the new additions to our wall and our lives. When Doug and I were just married we had created the "White Notebook". In this notebook were ground rules and ideas we believed in and ideally wanted to achieve. We were hopeful that we would keep to this notebook and were confident that it would lead us to happiness in this life and in the next. Of course it is easy to stray from the "white notebook". Satan and temptations...tired of trying...and many distractions have made it difficult to live every word of the white notebook. We have had our ups and downs like any other family and marriage. Recently we had another "awakening" of sorts and realized that we have become off track in a lot of ways in our family and marriage. We are coasting by and taking for granted our life. After many prayers and tears we came up with these two documents. They are now hanging on our wall with the Christ in the middle. We created these together as a family and as a marriage. This was not a quick write up...this took some thought. Eternal family is not easy. Today we tried to have some discussion and scripture time and by the time me and Doug were through--we wanted to kill and burn our creed. It is not easy to patiently give up our carnal appetites and passions for what is most important--and that is each other and family. I am a living testament to that. But what I do know that when and IF we do attain this "Nirvana" of family and marriage life...I bet it will be worth every bit of those tears. Good luck to all those troopers who are trying to win the fight too. (Scream when no one is listening while listening to some crazy music...my secret.) :-)

We believe....

2011-02-06T21:15:00.000-08:00

Marshall Creed

Happiness in family is most likely to be achieved when founded on the teachings of Jesus Christ

1.We believe that our home should be patterned after the temple. It is a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, and a house of God.
2.We believe in loyalty and loving our family and placing each other’s needs before our own. We are slow to anger, not offended, quick to forgive, and resolve disagreements with love and respect.
3.We believe that we can maintain the Spirit in our home as we go to bed on time, wake up on time, have morning and evening prayers, daily family scripture study, and family home evening weekly.
4.We believe in honoring and supporting our parents and in being obedient to what they ask. Love is the foundation of everything they do.
5.We believe in being morally clean and in only allowing wholesome media to enter our home. We dress modesty and obey the clothing guidelines set forth in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet.
6.We believe in building God’s kingdom on earth by attending all church meetings, accepting and magnifying our callings, and serving in the church when needed.
7.We believe that all our communication should build and uplift each other. We would not use names that degrade, we use tones that are pleasant, and volume that is appropriate.
8.We believe in wholesome recreational activities. We should have fun together, play together, spend time together, and have monthly family adventures.
9.We believe in being financially independent. We will pay a full tithing, live within our means, not rely upon credit, and will save money to pay for “wants”.
10.We believe in developing our talents in music and athletics and using those talents to nurture relationships and serving God.
11.We believe in educating our minds and spirits, in obtaining as much education as possible, in reading good books, and in creating a nurturing learning environment in our home.
12.We believe in being healthy, in exercising frequently, in eating healthy food, and obeying the Word of Wisdom.
13.We believe that Christ is the way to happiness in life and life eternal. We know that the greatest joys in life are to be found in righteous living and strengthening family relationships.

Setting some ground rules....

2011-02-06T21:14:00.000-08:00

Marriage
We consecrate our lives to one another in establishing and maintaining a happy celestial marriage on earth.

1. Perfectly loyal
2. Let virtue garnish our thoughts
3. Focus on the eternal
4. Implicit trust and be perfectly honest
5. Always give the benefit of the doubt
6. Build and uplift each other in all we do
7. Counsel together and be one in purpose
8. Frankly forgive and take no offense
9. Couple prayer, scripture, and temple
10. Smile, laugh, date, and flirt ferociously

Haiku's are my only remedy....

2011-01-27T16:59:00.000-08:00

So...today I have written some haiku's of my own. This is not a declaration of me as a poet but of a woman with some serious feelings that can only be expressed as of anciently... lol. Enjoy and don't expect TOO much. My first try, cut me some slack.

Steam rises from heat,
Melting ice cream cherry falls
Screams the child within.

Palms sway in the breeze,
Mango juicy quenching thirst
Gold glitter on me

Leaves fall to the ground
At my feet a pile of years
Life is born from love

No band aid for me
Whiney children die! die! die!
Peace through pain killers

Strength comes from effort
Deodorant has worn off
Nothing left to prove

Head pulse to the beat
Rumpilicious shaky shake
No music eyes closed

Hungry children now
Dinner waiting to be served
Face book beckons me to stay

Surge of loneliness
Memories of life and death
The red chair beckons

When flirting ferociously is part of survival.

2010-12-25T22:54:00.000-08:00

The children are finally asleep. Why does the word "finally" always precede the word asleep when we are talking about our children? It isn't a mystery actually, no need to answer... Today Doug and I were listening to the children argue, banter, laugh and play (yes, that does happen occasionally) in the other room, after we took our earplugs out, and we made a statement to each other that we have made before..."those are a lot of kids!" and then we half smile and sigh. (That usually proceeds the "lot of kids" statement) So often we feel inadequate for such a task--you know caring and nurturing. We also worry that they will be "messed up" someday from our lame parenting. I hope not, but you never really know. I guess all we can do is just the basics? Like loving, caring and teaching our children by word and deed... The same goes in marriage. Nurturing in marriage is vital and lately the nurturing had been lacking. The complication comes when there is little time for nurturing--or whatever you want to blame that on. Me and Doug recommitted to "flirt ferociously" today and then put the earplugs BACK in the ears to cuddle....cuz that is also survival tactic when dealing with 5 beautiful loud children. We ARE going to make this family thing work gosh darn it...hope it doesn't kill us. :-) goodnight.

Celebrating a changing life.....

2010-11-19T13:23:00.000-08:00

Congrats to Ms. Valorie....You have come a long way missy! A year ago Thanksgiving, she called me from a pay phone at the circle K on Palo Verde and Ajo. She was hungry, desperate and scared. She was about to get back into the drugs that had made her homeless for 12 years. She reached out. I am so thankful for her courage to call. So...a year has passed. Lots of love and help from friends and members of our church. Lots of hard work on Ms. Valorie's part. Highlights are: Marriage to John after 17 years by the bishop.... Trailer donated by good friends....missionaries visiting and invitations. Ms. Valorie singing in the ward choir. I remember she bore her testimony at church. Oh. Can't forget her passing out flowers to all the members of the congregations as a thanks:) And she informed me that a month ago she was able to speak with her 12 year old daughter. That was the first time. She told her she loved her...the girl said I love you back. Today as I met with her--- she looked good. Haircut. Clean clothes. Smelled pleasant. She was on her way to get oil for her generator and bolts for the trailer. She is industrious. She is a survivor. She has always been one to smile...amazingly enough. Sure she has her ups and downs as we all do. They may be different ups and downs from anyone reading this---yours may be worse.
Love and service is the key to happiness. And as I think about it....she not only changed her life for the better in one year---but most definitely has changed mine.

Thanks Ms. Valorie.

Going "Off-Line".....a Cautionary Measure

2010-10-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

As I stare into that little green dot next to "on-line" friends....I can't help thinking, "What must they think when they see my green dot all day next to my name?" Maybe things like...."she really needs to get a life, cuz its obvious she is searching for another". That green dot is screaming,"Hello, Hey, Hi...I am a Facebook slut waiting for you to pay attention to me! Anyone wanna chat? Please, please, please??" So, you can see I am conflicted and completely mental. But, you already knew that didn't you? Ha. So, yes, I will have my life back and go offline. I will occasionally allow myself vulnerability to all those friends I really want to talk to..but only if they start the conversation first. I will not be the first kiss! (I mean chat) Phew! I felt strong just writing that!....*sigh*...Unfortunately, my heart and excitement has a way of overpowering my will power and I usually do give in to the pressure within and click online anyway. Crap. This is going to be a lot harder than I think. Good luck to all the "Facebook Sluts" out there....peace out. I mean.."logging off".

Life Reflection

2010-10-10T23:13:00.000-07:00

It is late...and I really should go to bed. Whatever.... So this week is an exciting one for me, for so many reasons. Those reasons will remain personal but you may know one thing, life is a little confusing. Why? Cuz there are things that happen in life that you ask, "Why did this not happen?" or "Why did my life turn out like this?" When I was 16, I really believed that I knew exactly what would happen in my life. I thought I knew exactly who I would marry, and where I would live, how many kids I would have--even down to my job! Didn't any of you play the game where you make a spiral on paper until someone said "Stop!" Then you counted the lines, and then with all the top choices you wrote down, you decide what your future would be? Well, I did and my journal is full of them. I was so fascinated with knowing my future as a kid... I even have a "whenever you find it journal" that I write in, whenever I find it! :) It updates myself on where my life is. I know--I am weird. I am such a "girl". But I can't help it. I also can't help still loving every important person that has loved me and influenced me in my past. Sometimes it is hard to hold back the love I feel and attention and make sure it doesn't turn into "obsession"....oh well. :) So for all of you who I love--thanks so much. You have made me who I am today. Another thought: There really is so much life riding fast down a hill on my sweet bike, or running with just my sports bra on, or swimming so smoothly that I feel like I am flying in water....and even cuddling with the ones you love :) Those are some of my top feelings!

Reality Check

2010-09-26T15:26:00.000-07:00

Today my children are so loud and hyper....or I am may be ready for a break. I have my Alexandre Desplat music playing in the background which really is the perfect music for my emotion. In my head I am still planning my day, screaming at my children, wanting to read them a book, make cinnamon rolls, sleep, read a book, write some email, read my scriptures or something spiritual, visit the sick and needy....care. But really all I can do is click on Facebook and see who said what and dive into someone else's life for a moment. I think I have found the reason why there is an addiction--being a voyer is quite interesting esp when it is not your own. Searching into someone else's life creates a sort of comfort, almost like they are your best friend--when maybe you have never even really talked. I may be rambling cuz I am very tired...but I am not going to care right now. My children are talking about "chunky snakes". What? They are off for 3 weeks....help me?! I have the feeling that at the end of this break I will not be winning the mommy of the 3 weeks award. I may not even be in the running. I know plenty who are....I despise you. I also admire you. I watched one of these moms at church today with her children. She sat in front of us and she was so amazing. She was sweet and attentive to her children. Her husband watched her do it all, as she did it all with a smile. I sat there, watching her glossy eyed as she broke each piece of fruit leather and popped it into her very fat baby's mouth followed by some sacrament water, a sippy of formula and a nutragrain bar. I wanted to be that baby. (I would skip the formula...it smells like metal) So, yes, my church is full of amazing women...that I hate. (not really, I do love them, just feeling insignificant.) I am making a goal to talk to my kids, read them a book and stay away from Facebook for a while...wish me luck, it won't be easy.

Brain Vacation on Labor Day weekend...mission accomplished?

2010-09-04T07:18:00.000-07:00

I want to write some very clever things right now, but I am blank. So this is all you get. Except that it is early and I woke up automatically at 5a.m. My butt was very sore cuz I did about 100 lunges on Thursday. I decided to do Yoga. Yoga is so strange and beautiful all at the same time. What other exercise can you stretch so hard that you physically do "kiss your butt" goodbye. It is amazing.....anyway. After Yoga, went to the computer and then one, two, three kids are up already? Really? My Zen has left the house and I am back to wishing I could rewind the clock and really appreciate that "frog pose". So now they are up, Ben is feeding me Twizzlers which had been left in the living room from last night,(thanks Ben) and they are all watching TV. (cuz they were bugging me and I said, "guys, go watch a show or something") Aaaahhh, T.V. what a modern day blessing! Except for that incessant background noise...earplugs with my tunes will help. Ok...I am back to blank again and happy Labor Day weekend!! Whatever that means....?? Okay time to find out: "Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.....Traditionally, Labor Day is celebrated by most Americans as the symbolic end of the summer. In U.S. sports, Labor Day marks the beginning of the NFL and college football seasons." So really, it is a national holiday of "lets have a day off" Day. I like it! Oh,...okay. Now I got something in my brain. THANKS LABOR DAY! (This may be the dumbest blog post I have ever written. You are all worse from reading this than when you started and for that..I am sorry. Bye for now :) Ana.

Being Bipolar is normal

2010-08-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

This weekend has shaped into quite a joy ride. I have been able to feel as high as a kite (no drugs used) and low as a sewage system (I know, but I try) all at the same time! Have you ever felt this bipolar? If you say no, then you are either lying to yourself or you are on Paxal. Life is like that. So many twists and turns, that you can only hold on, buckle up and enjoy the ride! It all started on Friday, when Ben woke up with a 102 fever after his nap. This resulted in no swimming with good friend. Crap! I was really looking forward to that watery escape! Sick kids really are the worst. I hate to see their little bodies suffer. Esp when they are sweet. When they are not sweet?....then I am glad they are sick. No, I haven't met a child who isn't sweet....I was just saying. (Sheesh.) So up all night last two nights...I mean, ALL NIGHT. Hearing him cough and give out little moans. All I can do is elbow Doug to wake up too so he can suffer like me. (Doug says he had a migraine, so he HAD to take xtra pills to help it go away....right....I want to pull that one too) Sorry, babe, I know I am so unfair..blah, blah blah. So, I will spare you the rest of the story. Ben is slowly getting better and obviously loves me more..... Oh, and the "high as a kite" part? I got to spend time with amazing Premier Deigns women on Saturday, eat and shop with friends....that is more than high. So, life is balanced and good. I am sure I will have some down times in my day..but I hope that with all that life brings, my ups will outweigh my downs. (yikes, I think that is a Disney song) Help!

Facebook is NOT dumb.

2010-08-17T10:34:00.000-07:00

So I will start my blog writing spell with this deep thought by Sam....he comes up to me yesterday and says, "Mom, it wouldn't be a good idea if someone says, 'Hey, I dare you to fall out of that tree and die!' and you do it, huh? that would be dumb. huh?"...um, yes, Sam, that would be dumb. So, that is the thought for the day. Don't do dumb things--at least dumb dares :) Lets all learn from the 4 year old.
On that note,(and not cuz its dumb) I wanted to express my undying love for Facebook now that I have become an official addict. If anyone out there has a therapy program for it, please help me. Why this recent addiction? Well, I have recently come across some very dear and loved friends from my past and I am TRIPPIN. (say it in cool way). I am TRIPPIN in a good way though and I am actually enjoying this trip...i don't want to go home yet, and may be on a permanent vacation... Who knows all you skeptics, FB may be God's tool to get us together with not only our old friends but with ourselves. In the Book of Mormon the word "remember" is mentioned countless amount of times. Remember. I love that. I will. How many times do we feel lost to what we once knew and felt? A good friend, past or present, can come along and help us remember the things were already know deep inside---reminding us of the person we used to be…yup, I’m talkin to you !
So, that is my justification on FB....bring it on if you want to fight about it. I will keep loving all those old friends I am finding....cuz it is so wonderful to know they still care!—Ana

A Memorable Wedding...and some!

2010-02-23T22:39:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had an experience in your life that when it is happening, you say to yourself , "This is a memory I will never forget!"? I think we do have those occasionally and for me, it was tonight. Tonight, was the wedding of John and Ms. Valorie Carraway. If any of you have read my old posts, this is thee, Ms. Valorie---the "smilin for our troops" Ms. Valorie... Yes, Ms. Valorie was the homeless lady (well Desert Dweller as they call them here) who would would sell newspapers to drivers on the corner of Kolb and Valencia....and at the time, lived in a tent. Well, today she now lives in a trailer, with her now official and legal husband John and has been coming pretty regularly to church for the past four months. She looked beautiful with her blue dress and bouquet of flowers. Her smile was so bright and she couldn't help but giggle through out the whole wedding ceremony. We were all there in the bishop's office. Her friends---and even a puppy dog. (We said he was the ring bearer:)) It was so sweet to see her face. John was feeling good too and kept commenting that everyone was looking at him and taking pictures of him cuz he was wearing such a white shirt! It was a happy night. I am so thankful for Sheralin, who has the vision to help and be that instrument of God to lead and love. I am so thankful to be part of a church that understands that the true gospel of Jesus Christ is not about where we are but where we are headed. When the ceremony ended and we were walking out of the bishop's office, I held Ms. Valorie's hand and she looked at me and said, "Well, Ms. Marshall...I'm on my way to being better...." I quickly squeezed her hand and said, "You have been on your way for a long time...we are holding hands in this life together and striving together... to be better" That is really what it is all about. We are all beggars unto the Lord and with Him and only Him can we be lead to the source of true happiness in life---Eternal Life. I have no doubt that Ms. Valorie was put on this earth to teach all of us. I heard she is joining the ward choir! :) That will most definitely spice up the hymns. Life is good! Goodnight!

Change Sucks! (should I say "Just Kidding?")

2010-02-07T21:13:00.000-08:00

Change. It is usually referred to as a good thing (at leas that is what we say to feel better about it) But there are good changes for sure, for example: “Change the diaper”….definately. Change your underwear….yes. Change the channel…okay. And if you are an LDS person who has loved and served your ward for many years, “Change your ward boundaries…..” You begin to hear the screeching violin playing like “psycho”! Very hard. Today was a good day in a new ward. Lots of “transition” themed testimonies and faith promoting stories. Clearly this is going to be another adventure in the annals (can I say that here…okay, not spelled the same.) of history. It is also a time to reflect on the amazing abilities of Enoch…where he served and loved the people of his ward for hundreds of years and didn’t tire of it, eventually sending them all to heaven together. I am guessing they did not have a ward boundary change. J Actually everything was put into perspective for me tonight on our way home from my parents. We were driving on Houghton and in the headlights we spotted a dog that had been hit. Being a very busy road, we had to drive on and make a U-Turn (illegally. My daughter asked us if this was legal…we ignored her) and had to find a way to pull over by the dying animal. I stepped out of the car and as I came close to her, I could see her shallow breathing and blood that had been spilt on the road and covering her mouth and paws. I put my hand to her head and spoke to it trying to sooth its pain. She was a beautiful dog and because I don’t know dog’s and breeds I couldn’t even tell you what type it was. I called the number on the collar but it was the wrong number so I had to call the animal control center. A Sherriff was on its way, the owners were being located….we had to go home. We dropped the kids off and drove to the owner’s home and left a note attached to their empty home. About 10 minutes ago, I got a call from the owner, asking me if I had their dog “Zha Zha” and if she was okay…. I had to break the news to him that she had been hit and was probably dead and needed to call the Pima Animal Control. His voice became quiet and there was a long pause. I apologized for his loss and I hung up the phone. Of course I am hugging CoCo right now (our chocolate lab) and feel like crying. That is change I don’t want. Change that comes from a loss of a loved one. I will take ward changes anytime…as long as my loved ones, yes…even CoCo is safe with me. Good bye “Zha Zha”.. all dogs go to Heaven, that is certain. I will let her lick me too when I see her someday. Sorry for the somber ending, but I don't feel that funny tonight....it will come back to me by tomorrow :) Goodnight. Ana.

Ben likes...no LOVES pie!

2010-01-19T21:54:00.000-08:00

Um...yeah, eating habits are still at an all-time high! This baby is so scrumptious...add pie, and you just might bite through the skin!

I'm Back...and I am Worse!

2010-01-19T21:40:00.000-08:00

Drum roll please.......yes, I am back! For how long? I cannot tell. Sorry for the instability in my writing but after my follow through with body surgery, and my starting the new "church of Jewelry", life has been extremely crazy, weird and different. Daily there have been things to write about and I am constantly saying to myself that I will return back to my blog. I was planning on changing it's title "Confessions of a Non-drinker" for a little sick humor...but I may keep it where it is at. Cuz really this is my world, and I am....me. I cannot write long since I am still lasting through only about 3 hours of sleep last night. Guess who is retarded..(okay, mentally challenged) and decided to get rid of the crib and put Ben in a toddler bed. Poor kid is not even 1 1/2 years old and I am already telling him to "get a job". We even took his high chair away. Poor little guy, he has been doing a lot of sign gestures lately....wait a minute! I know what kind of sign gestures he has been doing!! (Not appropriate ones) ...but we deserve it really! I wanted more room in our little home....high chair! HUGE!! Crib GINORMOUS!!... why do kid things have to be so big? So alas, after an all nighter with my had on his back and him hitting his bed several times on the corner of the toddler bed and finding his way through the food storage in the hall (that was under the crib...now where do we put it? :) ) We have him now back in the crib....Doug is patient. So, goodnight and I keep you posted on my life once again, if you care and if you don't, then that is cool too.....because I hate you too! -----Ana. (Can you tell I am not RS pres anymore?...can everyone say "Digression"?)

Prayers work...Pagan Chants..not so much.

2008-11-11T21:16:00.000-08:00

I have been such a slacker blogger lately, and for that I am sorry. It is not because I have had nothing interesting to write about...believe me with as much poop as I have experienced in the last week...I could give you a poop story a day. But, I want to be better than that. I feel I may be a little too juvenile with my poop stories, and some of you may be thinking, "Grow up". ? So today I will write about my oven. Yup, my oven went out a few weeks ago and since then, it has been a faith promoting experience everytime we want to bake anything. One day last week (I am sure it became one of my daughter's pivitol testimony builders on prayer.) I had been working on making French bread (from scratch) all day...(I know, obviously the gas line must have been leaking too, cuz whats the deal?) So, it was time to bake the bread (finally!) and the oven won't go on. I shook the range, I unplugged it, I turned on and off the gas...I opened the doors, everywhere. I danced around it, we chanted some Pagan song...I don't know, lots of stuff. In the meantime, I am praying too...but it is more like a prayer of ,"Okay, Heavenly Father, this stupid bread has taken so long to rise...and now if it doesn't hit the oven, it will rise TOO much and it will be ruined...please, give me a break and make my oven turn on!". So, not so reverent. Elizabeth says, (as she is watching me dance around)..."How about we all say a prayer out loud?" "Sure babe." So, we reverently bow our head, and pray that it will start so the bread will not rise any more and we can eat this bread. Of course, there is a God and He hears us. The oven started right away. Elizabeth and Sarah give me a big smile. I look up and smile and then Sarah suggests that we pray to say thanks. So we did...and we ate some yummy bread. I am almost sure that God touched the bread with his finger while we had our eyes closed so it can taste decent too. So now, we have a new oven. (Which is another miracle story, I will tell sometime.) I know that God is giving me so many pickles so I can see how He will get me out of them. I feel some real stretching. I just hope it stays to household appliances and finances. I will enjoy those trials while I have them. My prayers are with those who are beyond the appliance trials. Love you all.....Ana

Her Name is Miss Valorie....

2008-10-23T09:07:00.000-07:00

Hello! I decided to post an email that I received from my sweet friend Michelle of Oregon. She has a friend named Theresa who did a wonderful thing. (posted below,,,please read!) It helped me remember my experience with “Miss Valorie”. There is a homeless friend on the corner by my house and her name is "Miss Valorie". Her front teeth are missing and she is such a friendly lady. She always has a big smile and a wave for everyone. For the past 4 years, I have seen Valerie on the corner and she has become my kid’s favorite. We always roll down our window and give her some groceries that we bought on our way home, or even a slice of Pizza from Little Cesears. One day we stopped traffic to give her a pop-tart cuz the light had turned green and we had to move. Last year "Miss Valorie" had earrings on and make-up with a fancy hat. Elizabeth got so excited pointing out her fanciness saying "Mom, maybe "Miss Valorie" has a boyfriend! " The next week we stopped and asked her if she has a boyfriend. She yells out "Heavens no! I just wanted to be fancy!" We all laughed. When I was pregnant with Ben...very big and pregnant, she spotted my belly as I was handing her a dollar and asked what was that? (pointing to my belly) I told her I am having another baby! She asked me if I know what causes pregnancy. I said, "no what?" She said, "lots of kissing". She laughed her toothless grin and told me to watch out with that. I laughed and told her I would be more careful.

I haven't seen "Miss Valorie" now for about 6 months. My kids miss her and every time we pass that corner one of my children will say out loud.."I wonder what happened to Miss Valorie.” I miss her too. I wish I had made more of an effort to find out her background and why she is where she is. I am thankful for the Spirit of Christ that inspires us to love everyone. I am thankful for the way "Miss Valorie" helped me and my children. I have prayed much for her too and I hope she is in a good place right now. So, this is a personal invite to say Hi to someone in need. I am sure today you will see a homeless person on a corner if you are out and about. Share a few words and you will see that they are struggling just like the rest of us. We are not so different, only that they might not have been trained and loved as much as you.
See I can be sober too…just not as fun. hah

Her Name is Betty....

2008-10-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

This is an email that I recieved from a friend of mine. It is so good, I wanted to share it with all of you.
"Greetings! I went to talk to "the lady" that stands over by McDonalds/Costco (on Cornell > Rd. in Hillsboro). She stands there, with her sign asking for help, almost every day. I have often seen her and whispered a quiet prayer for her, but always looking away when I drove past her. I felt prompted by God,to go listen to her story and pray for her today. I did go listen and she did let me pray for her! At first she thought I had come to condemn or criticize her being there. I assured her that I came to minister to her and to hear her story. She shared with me a lot in a very short period of time. She has suffered many calamities and abuses, many from her own family. Betty used to have a job until a few years ago, until she had a mental breakdown. She was diagnosed with bipolar disease ( A generational curse from > her Mother's side) . She at first was given the wrong meds. and during "black outs" she did and said bad things. Betty got fired and as a result she has lost many things and now lives in a tent. The system has failed her in many areas or she "does not qualify". She is homeless in our community and needs our prayers at the very least! She is on the "waiting list" for different social services and "waiting" for disability insurance that never comes through. She does not gamble,drink, smoke or do drugs. She depends on the kindness of others to help pay for her mail box and other bills that she is trying to pay off because she believes she needs to be as responsible as she can with the money people give her. She accepts the money and the gift cards that people give her. She appreciates the kindness of a wave and a smile. She has hope that there is an answer for her, that her money will come, and believes that God takes good care of her "out here".She blesses those who are unkind with their words or their gestures. Some words are harsh and critical, and she still smiles. When I was leaving her she said to me."God blesses me that I can stand here and watch the eagles and hawks fly. I am not here so we can judge or criticize the value or correctness of the things she shared with me. I am here to share a piece of her story so that you would know "Betty". That you would be kind to her when you see her and wave or smile. That you would give her money or gift cards or ask her what she needs. But, most of all, would you pray for Betty. Pray for the healing of her mind and for God to meet her every need. That curses would be broken and blessings be poured out. I know she is but one of many homeless people "out there", but I know we can make a difference. Even if it is one person at a time, it makes a difference to them.> > Abiding in His mercy and grace,> > Teresa

Thirty...WHAT?!

2008-10-18T00:48:00.001-07:00

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you to all of you good, sweet friends who helped celebrate my one step closer to 40!...and all of those who didn't even know it was my birthday and just assume that I will always be 29...I love you more! No, 36 is going to be a good year...as long as I can get my lipo, tummy tuck..and boob lift...(maybe a little filler too?) I know I talk a lot about body reconstruction and it is not that I am insecure or depressed about my body image...but you know I figure if this body has been through 5 babies...and 36 years..it is due for some renovation! At church they say, "your body is a temple" right? Well, I know for a fact that the temple shuts down for two weeks out of the year for remodeling and so will I! (If I can afford it of course...which probably means, it will stay a dream of mine.) I might have to keep squishing my fat to the side when I look in the mirror..if I want to see my "after" shot. I know I am being a little vain, I apologize for anyone who feels sorry for me. I am shallow what can I say? Hah! But, my birthday was good and Mom bought me the "Costco Cake". You know, the "Matilda" cake? The chocolate wonder that I swear the baker at Costco made a pact with the devil to make it so sinfully good! I am so glad that he did sell his soul to the devil cuz he has made me one happy, chubby, 36 year old. (Hello Lipo!!) I tried to send a piece to Amy today. I put it in a container and everything...but it was so heavy...I decided to eat it instead. My mom told me yesterday that 2 ounces of dark chocolate is good for you. She said it raises the Seratonin in your brain. So ladies...eat, eat, eat!!! That has gotta taste better than prozac don't you think? Of course it might throw you into depression at just knowing the calories and fat in the chocolate...but hey can't have it all! (you piggie). Well, it is late and I must to go to bed. I have watched a lot of Sci Fi with Doug tonight...and I feel like my brain has turned into a"Nosgul". (those are the enemy of the Stargate guys...KILL ME!!) ---Ana.

Charity Never Faileth...even when it comes to Coco.

2008-10-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

Okay, I got a request for a story from Aimee. So, this is for you Aimee and anyone else out there who is trying to love a dog. Many of my friends have heard my endless complaining about my chocolate Lab Coco. She is really a sweet dog. And the only real problem with Coco, is....she is just that...a DOG. So, her being a dog, she can't help it right? And me being a Mom...I can't help that she had become my nemisis....Yup, my enemy! I live in a small house and with a large family plus a dog...(who I was sure made a goal every day to get in my way when I went from bedroom to bedroom, or follow me around the house, or look at me with manipulative eyes wanting to go on a walk...or do I need to mention the hair? Poop? Licks? (I hate that) and overall smell? (Even with a bath once a week, she is stinky to me... )) I guess I am not a pet person. So, that is where the story starts. And it ends with me loving Coco now...well, at least we have an understanding. I am mom and she is Dog...and I will continually practice Charity on her and she will keep doing what she is doing cuz...she is a dog. So how did this "mighty change of heart" occur? Well, this summer when I returned from Idaho, I had been stewing over the fact that Coco drove me crazy and that I was going to have a new baby and that there was no room in the "inn". Coco had been living in my mom's backyard and the day after I returned from Idaho, my mom calls upset explaining that Coco had chewed up her nice garden hose and dug holes all over her yard. That was it! She was out of there! (and not here!) So, I talked to Doug about our "problem" and we agreed that Coco can't stay. (Well, Doug agreed that I couldn't handle her anymore and was sick of the "dog-drama".) I thought it was a great idea to take her to the pet shelter so she could be adopted by a great little family...you know the 2.5 kids kind? Poor Doug rushed out the house and drove Coco 45 minutes away to the Pet and Animal Shelter. I have to admit I did feel a pang of guilt as he rushed out the door to do the dirty deed, but it was nothing to the bolt of guilt I felt in my chest as I explained to my kids what I...(I mean "we" (right?))..felt was best for Coco. You should have heard the "weeping and wailing and nashing" of teeth!!! I felt like I was in one of those cable TLC real life dramas! I comforted and explained..etc. It was the longest two hours of my life. So, two hours later, Doug gets home...grief stricken. I felt like I had just made Dougy-boy give away "Old Yellar, Benji and Lassie"! So, the family is all crying and hugging in a circle. (I am not invited) I feel like the biggest CRAP mom ever! At that point...I knew what I had to do. I had to save the Dog from myself! I called the shelter and told them I would be there in 45 minutes or less to pick up the Dog. The lady at the shelter said, "I don't think you can.". I asked,"What?" She said, "we have never had someone pick up their dog one hour after they have been dropped off". And I said, "Well, get ready for the first time then!" I hung up, grabbed the keys. Doug stopped me and made me swear..more than even a pinky swear, that I would love and cherish Coco till death do we part. I swore in my tears that I would love this Dog and all that jazz. Running to the Van and driving over the speed-limit I prayed that Coco's life would be spared cuz I just could not handle the anquish in my families faces! I finally arrived with tears in my eyes, asking for Coco. I met a wonderful guy who works there as a hobby to help unwanted animals...and he got a big kick at my family drama about Coco. So, there was Coco, hyper as ever...and here I was LOVING the dog. I pet her, let her lick my face and all of that. So, after 75 dollars (yup, had to pay to get her out. She even got some shots) and going straight to PetCo for some leashes, toys, dog training classes..and almost 200 dollars later...she came home to the sad family and made them happy again. So for about a month after that Coco felt like a queen cuz I really felt honest love for her. We bonded at pet training classes and she got better dog food. Today..she is a better dog. I don't know if she really changed, but my attitude sure had. I also learned that you can honestly LOVE that which you HATE as long as you save, serve and sacrifice for them. I will use that lesson many times with my husband! Hah! Thanks Coco. (So, her being five years old...she only has about 8 more years tops right? Ooops! ) ---Ana.

Spelled Benjamin wrong! What a bad mom!

2008-10-13T18:05:00.001-07:00

Oh what two months of cream can do!

2008-10-13T16:32:00.000-07:00

This is Benjamine Douglas Marshall, at the hospital on Aug 1 2008 and today after his bath on Oct 13 2008....oh what a difference two months make!

Me at my prime!

2008-10-13T16:23:00.000-07:00

Oh, and for anyone who wondered how big I really got...here is something to gasp at! ...I am humble see? But obviously not modest. Sorry, I was attempting a work out! Silly me! Then we washed the cars that day...very hot. (meaning us!) This is me and Melanie...she calls me "Sis", course she calls everyone "sis" being from West Virginia.

kite flying for a buck and Beckah stuffing already?

2008-10-13T15:50:00.000-07:00

Kite flying is really great in Tucson if the weather is 70 degrees. Actually anything under 70 degrees is great. What made kite flying extra great is the pretty amazing dollar store "Dora" kite that we used. All for a buck...and some faith. Heather helped me in the adventure. I have to admit it is a little scary to take the chance that Beckah, Sam, Adam B., Miranda, Abe, Adam, Paul and Ben would be crushed hopes if we didn't get the plastic thing up. They had high hopes (hah, get it?) on that kite. When I got home from the park...I wondered why I don't go to the park more often....of course I then remembered the 105+ degree weather we have been having and if I spend an afternoon at the park, the house will look as if a tornado hit it. This is the truth, If my house hasn't been cleaned by 2pm....then it will be an "out of body experience" to try and get myself to clean it before the evening comes. It is kind of like working out. If I have not worked out by 2 pm...then you can pretty much welcome the cellulite into your day, cuz its not happenin. Icecream will also play a key role in your afternoon (why wait for dessert at night?) . So, on that note...I think I will have some icecream and look at my clutter at the same time. Can you say "self-mutilation?" Elizabeth just said she found a breast pad in the couch...if she only knew that if she lifted the cushions she would find about ten! Have a wonderful Fall day...and if you live anywhere with changing leaves...please pile them up and jump in them. I miss that! Cactus needles just don't have the same effect. Talk more later--Ana

Oh..PS...this picture is of Beckah with "breasts". She found a couple of green foam balls and I caught her stuffing them in her bathing suit and posing in the mirror. She had a big smile on her face...I have to admit so did I when I found her! Beckah loves boobs....uhoh.

Sam my Man

2008-10-12T22:44:00.001-07:00

So here is my little man, Sam. Yesterday I was nursing Ben...(of course), and Sam asked me what is Ben doing? I explained that he is eating his breakfast. He asked me what is he having? I explained that he is drinking his milk. To that he asked, "...and is the other one, (pointing to my other "pecho" (boob is spanish, it is what we call it around here.))...is the other one juice?" I had to laugh...yes Sam the other one is his juice. I am proud of him though. We have not had a poopie in the pants incident for almost two weeks now. One of the reasons for this is divine inspiration. I was at the end of my rope one day and I had to cry out (just like in the Bible) to God and ask him how I was going to get my 3 year old to stop messing his pants...and then it came to me. "Stop getting mad and spanking him or threatening his life...just take away his swords". I had no idea how inspired this was. I immediately went to him and told him very politely and matter-of-factly that if he poops again in his pants, then I will take away his swords. He was mad at the idea, but it didn't really effect him till they were taken away. I put them above my Armoure (sp?) He tried to climb the tall piece of furniture, but finally gave up when he realized it was impossible. (Yes! I win! Hah...oops, not the most humble parent am I?) So, when he went in the toilet...he got them back. It only took 3 times for this to happen and he hasn't done it again since.... So, I am hoping this will work when he is a teenager with the car, his phone, food...you know, just about everything. Didn't realize it had to start at 3...poor kid. I love this boy though. He is a crack up and loves to play with ants, hunt for crocodiles and torture Beckah. By the way, my friend Ashlie took the pictures of all my kids...they are cuter than I imagined. Thanks Ashlie. Ben is very different looking from Sam. Smaller eyes, fat face. We may need to focus on the "inner" beauty with Ben! Hah. Goodnight. ---Ana

Eye Flashies...past and present.

2008-10-09T21:39:00.000-07:00

So, here I am on the bed with my lap top and Ben is cooing at the ceiling fan. He had three shots in his legs today...a total of six vaccinations. Poor little guy. I hate the shot thing. I always hover over their faces as they turn bright red and let out a breathless scream. I am glad at that moment that in two minutes my baby won't remember the last five minutes...too bad they don't stay that way huh? There were many times today that I would have liked Sam (my 3 year old) to forget the last five minutes. I did a lot of counting, tight grabs to the "thinking chair" and eye flashies. (you know eye flashies right? The thing you do where you make your face pull back the skin around your eyeballs, making them stick out further. If this method is going to be effective, you have to clench your teeth at the same time while tightening the neck. Leave any part out...and you have failed at the eye flashie technique.) My mom was always good at that one. She could be down the hall on the other side of the church building, and when she would "eyeflashie" we would get numb butt and reverantly walk back to our seats....praying. You didn't want to get to step two cuz that was a severe pinch in the arm or leg by her strong skinny fingers. Her fingernails were like acrylics...but real and I swear she would sharpen them to make the extra pointy for just the right pain. One pinch and you were wishing you had stopped at eyeflashie. Step three depended on whether you were in public or not. If you were in public, you had better wish for death cuz that would be less painful than what awaited you when you got home. If it was not in public, then expect hair pulling or a tight finger pointing you to your room "immediately"!...I’ll leave out the rest of the gory details. Don't get me wrong my mom is awesome...and was a great mom...but I am glad she was the way she was or I would feel like a total failure right now. Today was good though. We had a water fight outside and icecream. Hopefully my kids will remember the fun mommy and not so much the flashieeye mommy. Well, Ben calls for the all you can eat smorgasbord...need to maintain his 16 pounds...97 percentile. I am training him to be a heavy weight champion. So proud of my cream....wish it could come straight from my hips...then we would really be talkin! Ugh. I am a whale! Goodnight--Ana

What is that called? Oh, yeah a table!

2008-10-08T23:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, this will be short since I just deleted my great entry...and I mean it was wonderful. Talked about coming up from the dead and poop and all kinds of cool stuff, but it is gone now cuz I don't know how to use a computer! Why? Because I am totally fuzzed out in my brain and cannot make any sense of the senseless babble that is in my head. I need sleep. I need my baby to let me sleep. He wants an all-you-can-eat boob fest all night and day, and I gotta tell you...it is a little exhausting. I couldn't remember the word for “table” today. Elizabeth had to finally ask me if I meant "table". I just stared back at her with my mouth open and drool coming out nodding slowly. (I think she may have taken a breast pad and wiped it off my lip...what a good girl!) I do have great kids. They have been home for a three week break, and besides the clump of poop left in the washer after the wash had been put in the dryer...(yes, washed poop still stinks and sometimes older siblings don't know they should rinse the poop out of the underwear of their regressing sibling’s (Sam) underwear. ( I swear he pooped his pants for the 100th time)...yeah, had to wash that load again...in hot. So, where was I? (Got the poop story in, hope I don't delete this again) ....it has been great. I am trying to resurrect my personality now and I hope expressing myself on this blog will help. Just a shout out to all of you who are trying to laugh at life and be grateful for insanity... I have been working on that gratitude thing?...and it is working I think...I just hope I don't die now that I feel peaceful and grateful for my kids and home...uhoh that always happens in the movies and I am reading some really sappy books by Nicholas Sparks (chic books...good ones) and so many are sick and dying when they have so much to live for...getting me paranoid. Okay, I am rambling. Love you and share me with your friends. We are all in this together right? I have missed you all. (Thanks to all your… “I miss your blog comments”) Ana

Sparkly Leotards

2008-05-30T23:29:00.000-07:00

Having the desire to skip out of the state and join some desert Indians somewhere in the cliffs of New Mexico, I have opted to write a little to my blog and go to bed trying to ignore a loud "Stargate" episode blasting from the T.V--from the husband (praise the Lord for orange ear plug things). I am full of pregnant emotion and might write things I could regret, therefore, I will just feel the satisfaction that there are others out there who have hated their husbands at one point in time and who have wished that they were single and could join the circus if they really wanted to...(not saying that life now is not similar to the circus, I just think it would be fun to be on some trapeze or something and wear sparkly leotards)...oh, and I guess I could say the same about myself! Hahh.. Imagining my husband in a sparkly leotard has suddenly made me feel a whole lot better. So, this has worked and you have all helped me tonight. Thank you! Well, goodnight, and I will attempt to be better on my writing though my life right now does not allow me to be very commital in my blog entries. I love you all. If any of you are upset by my man-hate right now, then I suggest, you stop reading my blog all together, cuz this is a little too much realism that you may not be ready for. Goodnight--bitter, pregnant woman., Ana!

Mother's Day Thoughts.

2008-05-12T23:30:00.000-07:00

Okay. I have been lame and have not written in quiet a while. I am up a lot later than usual because if I sleep, the day will come quick and I will have another day with throw-up and diarrhea boy. I don't even know if I spelled that stinky poop right ...but I don't even care...since I swear I still smell it, no matter how many times I clean the toilet or wash my hands...(maybe its in my nose...sorry.) I have had so many things to write about in the last couple of weeks. I will spare you.
One thing that I do want to share is a reminiscence of Mother's Day. I hope all of you had a good one yesterday. I know quite a few who did and I know some who did not. I never realized how much Mother's Day is painful to so many. Mothers who are sick, passed on, neglectful...so many reasons to not have warm fuzzies on Mother's Day. There are also those who are not Mothers and mourn for that fact. I am grateful to be a Mother. (of course so much easier when they are all in bed right?) But it is true. I love them so much. I don't realize how many times they make me smile and how many times I want to grab that perfect place on there soft little necks and kiss it. I get afraid of dying as a young mother. I wonder if any of you do too. I pray every day that I can be spared to watch my kids grow up...and honestly, then He can take me. I have a friend whose husband was tragically killed recently in an auto accident as they were driving to San Diego on vacation. Just like that he is gone. Just like that she is left to raise her children without him. Life is fragile. Let’s enjoy every moment of it. Till next time...hopefully on a lighter note. Sorry for the depression, you can forward me the Prozac prescription. We will see if my insurance pays for it. ---Ana.

Sibling Justice...never as great as we imagine.

2008-04-30T12:25:00.000-07:00

Sibling rivalry....ever had it? Ever seen it? I have too. This morning my four year old daughter, Rebekah was blaming her 2 year old brother, Sam, on her foot hurting. She was repeating over and over again (in her brain scrambling, torcherous way) "Mom! Sam hurt my foot". My "sorry about that" were not cutting it in her book. She wanted justice...she wanted payback...she wanted pain. After the 15th time (I am very resilient...at least I think I am) of her nagging me about Sam and her foot being hurt, I said to her, "Rebekah, what do you want to do to him? spank him?" Okay, I think this is going to strike some sort of compassion cord with her and she would cry out..."Oh, no mommy that would be so sad....I love my brother!". No. Only in my imagination. So instead of my "imagined reply" she says, " YES!". I clarify..."Do you really want me to spank Sam for that?" her reply,"YES!". Then I said (still hopeful) ..."But it would hurt Sam." She replies, "No it won't!". I said, "Yes, it will". Then she says with a shrug of her shoulders, "JUST CHECK!". Just check? ....what kind of cruel sister is this? I had to supress the laugh in my throat.
This actually brought back a memory that I have of my own childhood. I remember my brother doing something bad to us...(probably the usual punch on the arm, or stand on my face, or spit or whatever he could do to hurt me (the most aggrivating sister on the planet...I don't blame you Gary...I just feel sorry for ya)) So, my mom said to me and my other brother David...."Go get the belt!". We salivated at the idea of my brother being spanked by the belt and getting all that was coming to him. I remember being excited. I ran down the stairs were my Dad's belts were kept and looking at them I debated on whether I should bring up the belt with metal buckles spaced at every two inches..or the one without the buckles. I imagined the suffering that my brother would finally get if my Mom layed on him with the metal torcher belt. I grabbed it! (There was no way I was going to pass up this opportunity for justice!) I handed the belt to my Mom. She looks at the belt. She looks into me and my brother David's eyes, as they were filled with anticipation and excitement for what that belt would symbolize!. She looked in my brother Gary's eyes...full of fear and tear full eyes for what was to come. Then turning to us, the punishers, she slowly asks, "So, you want me to belt Gary with this belt?" We nodded with smiles, "Yes! Yes!"... "You would have me use this on his bum?" ... "Yes, Yes!". Then, my mom does the unexpected...she turns on us! "How mean you kids are that you would want your brother to feel this belt...I will belt both of you for wanting him to be hurt!". And she belted all three of us. Gary for being bad, me and David for being cruel. So, really there is no way around justice and punishment. I guess mercy should really be our only route. Now, how do we teach this to our children? I am working on it...just as you are. I will appreciate it more when they are playing with out fighting and giggling over their usual poop, pee and bum jokes. Lot better than fights. Hang in there Moms!----Ana.

I NEED RICE ! (says the nation..and me)

2008-04-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

I just have to share something! A couple of weeks ago, my mom tells me that her friend in Florida claims there is a rice shortage and to stock up on as much rice as possible. I laughed at this, saying that it was probably some poor rice farmer in Asia who had a brilliant idea to pass around a mass email about how there will be no more rice and get the sales going crazy. (if this was the case...brilliant, brilliant, Asian!) So, today I was at Costco and my mom and I suddenly got this urge to buy rice! To my utter dismay....there was no more rice! And there was a sign that said that everyone is limited to one bag per person (mind you this is like 20lb bag and anyone who eats this much rice in a month needs to go on a carb diet and is at risk for diabetes!) Okay...so my mom is sad. She is suddenly lost down the aisle and comes back with a HUGE case of Top Ramen! I am laughing as she is saying outloud, "Fine, I will buy top Ramen this will be my rice!". I died laughing at her. We are gluttenous Americans that feel a desperation if we can't buy something ..NOW!. ( My mom later informed me that she stopped at another grocery store and bought 5 lbs of rice. She admits she doesn't cook rice so often, but feels better having it.) I am concerned about our overall gluteny in America. It is funny to me how many people have expressed concern and sympathy to me for having our fifth child and living in a three bedroom house. I see in there eyes honest concern for our housing situation! When I reflect on this I laugh at our extreme standard of living in this country! Our housing situation is great---to the rest of the world. I guess the only standard we should compare ourselves to is our own. So, whether it's a question of if 50lbs of rice is enough compared to 5lbs or a 5 bedroom home compared to a 3 bedroom home...is a matter of perspective. I am thankful for the blessings we have in this country. Unfortunately we have to work on greed, gluteny, pride and all the other fun attributes that seem to come with an abundant life. Be grateful for your life--and all you have, cuz it is more than others and less than some! Goodnight--Ana

Check out my videos posted! Get ready to laugh

2008-04-22T22:05:00.000-07:00

Okay so here a few video favorites to brighten your day. Please look below at the Ohcrap one! This is classic and makes us all feel a little less sorry for us when we have had a bad day. The baby one to the right? Will just make you laugh out loud. Keep smilin! Ana

Here's to the support of Bras, Backs and Friends!

2008-04-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of things I take for granted that give me support. One of them is my bra. Our bra is the most important thing we wear because more than any article of clothing...it defies gravity and makes us look halfway decent. (whether you have them long, small, fat, skinny). The bra doesn't demand a lot of attention unless you are wearing a flashy one to be sexy or if your back fat is out of control and you feel it cutting into your skin. (not fun, been there, doing that!) Another thing that supports us but we overlook it's service is, our back. I have a husband who needs a daily back crack cuz his has decided not to work. So, I sit on his back everyday and push down on his back as he breaths in then out and then try for that "CRACK". The more cracks, the more accomplished I feel that day. I know it is a silly way to judge my accomplishements but when that is all I feel I was a success at that day...I take what I can! My back is hurting now. My lower back nerve (siatic..sp?) is killing me and I feel like I could just jam it into a post, and then it would feel better. Or, if someone could pull my leg out and it would snap and...aahhh, relief. But, no, I must endure this torcher so that I can appreciate this little baby coming...the sacrifice. I must remember that this is all so that I may love him enough. (ugh). So, I mention these, but the support that I feel most appreciative right now is friends. This Sunday at church I was doubting whether I would ever make it out alive with my children. Actually I wanted to be anywhere where my children were not. ( I know it sounds bad...but this blog is not about sounding good... it is me, and if you start thinking less of me for it, then you might want to find a more positive blog to read.) I was amazed at the amount of "supporters" I have in my ward. Men, women, children.... I was encouraged to "hang in there" by so many and felt love from all of them. From a look to words of encouragement...it was there. I felt it today aswell. A good friend told me today that she had anticipated our friendship when she had just moved here, and had recieved a spiritual witness that I would be in her life. This really touched me. I feel the Lord is very aware of each of us and he sends his "angels" which come disguised as friends to love us and support us in our life. I am so thankful for this. Without this divine support of my friends, I believe, I would be the saddest loser and would have no hope to go forward. So, this is my message. Friends are good. I love all of you, my friends. Thanks for taking the time to read my silly thoughts...and supporting me, even when I am just venting off some feelings. Tell me what you need, want...etc..and I am there for you. I owe you all so much. (Got a little mushy there) Till next time--and give thanks for your bra, your back and most of all...your friends. --Ana.

Abnormal Hair Issues

2008-04-18T13:17:00.000-07:00

Hair is a wonderful thing. Its something that can be changed and changed again and we never suffer too much. It really is the only thing we can change immediately in our lives and I have a philosophy about it that is deep. Now, it usually works for me. When I want some change in my life or there is something that is stirring up my life that is out of my control..I chop it off or color it and it may seem a little shocking to some...but it feels great to me and I can be a different person. Sadly, I am seeing in my "old" age...that my hair does not want to bounce back as quickly to my impatient "dos". I cut my hair (actually Doug did) in December...then again (too short) in February. After I got the super-short-boy cut I thought.."Oh, no big deal..it will grow". I guess that is what young hair does. Old hair? Just stays there (and falls out--yes, I am balding despite the opinion of my sweet friends). I wondered if this was normal so I "googled" it. This is what it said, (incase you were wondering), "The normal rate to grow hair in humans is half an inch a month and the average human has approximately 100,000 hairs on their head. A single hair, in the absence of damage, can live four to five years before falling out and being replaced by a new hair." (http://www.hairparlor.com) Okay, must look at the word "normal". Obviously I am anything but that. So, if any of you want to bring wigs back in?...I am in. Just let me know and we will make it all the rage. I might as well, since I have either wigs or scarfs as my head option in about twenty years. I tried to blow dry it today actually to make it a little more fancy, and I forgot my 10 year old daughter had tried to see what would happen if she put the tweezers (MY GOOD 20 dollar ones!) in the electric socket. Yup. Blew the whole thing to bits and it somehow blew a few other sockets along the way (not sure how that happens...maybe it is the breaker? But I have been too lazy to find out....lot more fun blaming though huh?) So, that is my gripe about hair. I would like the fashion to be 1. Wigs..bald...scarves, you pick 2. Wood Barrel dresses (you know the kind of outfit that leaves the shape of the body a total mystery? 3. ...any others you guys dream about? Please share some. I think it is about time we took charge of what is "in". Strength in numbers my sisters. Vent more later. --Ana

Me and Doug and the Kids

2008-04-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

2008-04-17T07:51:00.000-07:00

Okay...once again, I cannot complain!

2008-04-16T11:44:00.000-07:00

Releasing Life's Aggression--Methods/ Strategies

2008-04-16T10:52:00.000-07:00

There are several ways in which one can release "life aggression". One method that I have enjoyed (but have had to pay some miserable consequences) is...eating. Nothing beats venting out emotion on a bowl of fruit loops, one Costco chocolate muffin and some icecream (milk in it..makes it yummier and icier) That is a quite enjoyable process. Of course you must endure pain in the gut and an amazing amount of guilt (no matter how much you try to block it out). Then you feel agression toward yourself as you yell "fat pig"to your reflection in the mirror. So, this really isn't very effective (though pleasurable...duh, thats why we keep doing it!) Another way to release, is pick a fight with your hubby. That can be fun only in the fact that you are getting him to communicate. Though it is negative communication we convince ourselves that it is for his own good--because the "nature of the beast" (as Doug puts it ) I believe, can be changed in men---whether they like it or not. Right? I don't think it has happened yet to this point in time. Perhaps Eve blamed it on something from that forbidden fruit--but soon realize it goes a little deeper than that. UGh. (We're with ya Eve) I had a fun little release yesterday and it only resulted in Doug explaining that he has no discerning capablilities and I need to stop picking fights when I feel aggressive...(he is no fun.) And the list of aggression release methods go on...but one I find the most productive and most tiring is kicking some "behind" during a workout. Today with friends I led the group in some kickboxing....I was a little concerned that my emotions were a lot stronger than my body--I was right and I will be paying for it the rest of the day as I attempt to kick my hip back into place. But!, it was exactly what I needed. I needed to yell at a bunch of supportive friends to kick a little higher and punch that imaginary whatever-it-is. Violence can be a positive thing, especially when you call it in the name of "excercise". So...I need to remember that kicking butt (mine and others ) in a "productive" way, can be done. So ladies....its normal to want to kill. Just kill in a positive way...right? I am thankful for "positive" outlets....a good cry is not so bad either as long as you have an aspirine and someone who will hug you in the end--(thanks Doug). Good luck to all you aggressive sistas--Till next time. Ana

Lucky Charms and Pregnancy

2008-04-15T13:59:00.000-07:00

Should you call poison control if you two year old eats a "super-size" box of Lucky Charms marshmellows (yes, just the marshmellows)? The reason why I ask that question is this is the second day of his "magically delicious" marshmellow craze and he has the brightest green-blue poop I have ever seen. Like the Sci-Fi channel. I remember when I was pregnant with my first daughter, Elizabeth, and I had just drank a blue Power aid--got sick and threw up the brightest blue vomit ever. Doug thought it was very pretty while he dry heaved (wussy). So, if nobody out there is concerned...I will just continue letting him fend for himself with the super box (such a deal at Fry's!) Some day we will really see what this dye has done to our system....maybe longer life? As long as it does not prolong pregnancy. I think that would be the ultimate curse to pregnant women. Why does it have to be nine months? God is so wise--he knows that by the sixth month we are ready to have it--seventh, we feel a little "stretched" and that we could have this baby and possilby love him/her still--eighth, we want to eat any herb neccessary to get the baby out even willing to go out to a special river and pot a squat like the Indians of old.--By the nineth month, we are so desperate to have the baby out that anyone who looks at us, touches us, tells us they "love" pregnancy, has a death wish.--Not to mention we are are willing to shovel, walk, drink epichach, dehydrate....anything to get this baby out. I am six months now and I feel already at the eighth month level--I guess when this is your fifth, you are on a whole nubba lebol. Well, I have escaped somewhat righting this while I have to endure Dora audio in the background--please kill me. You are insane when in the middle of the night you are humming Dora the Explorer songs. She yells a lot. Why is it so "wrong" that I yell too? Maybe I should try it with a more happy tone! That is it! It may still be therapeutic.
Talk more later.--Ana

Gettin Started

2008-04-15T00:08:00.000-07:00

Oh my--I can see that this will be difficult. I just wrote an eloquent email about me and my hesitation to get started and as I click "publish post"....I am given a message that it could not publish because my internet protection had timed out my time on the internet. Uggh. I can see that this is not going to be all that easy. I can also see that I may have to say sh--- for the 29th time today (not an exageration) . It was a hard day...and a lot of things like this happened to me today. I felt justified in every way to cuss. (I am working on it--but I think my subconsious is in love with that word! ) So many cups of liquid fell on the floor today--my patio umbrella flies off the pole and almost lands on me (the look on my children's faces as their mother has yet another near death experience was comical I gotta say)--Kids jumping on a newly folded stack of clothes on the bed--not having potatoes for the stew (stew already started on the stove--sorry no potatoes in the stew tonight)--husband leaving the key in his motorcycle ignition and killing the engine, I pick him up and save him yet once again (me bitter?)--Sam and Beckah fell, bumped, hit and whined all day (which is enough to completely go insane)--Sadie (if you knew her--there would be no question) --So, this is just some of the excitement of my day and if this stinkin (there is a word I can say) blog thing doesn't work...I may tell Ashlie (the encourager of the blog) that my bloggin days were short and sweet--and spare all of you or none of you (depending on who is sad enough to read this that my blogging days are over. This blog is much more cynicle than my first...sorry. Till next time--